And Then He Made Me His Wife

                                     

My baby sister with Benji's baby sister

I developed a sort of reputation for catching bouquets in my time....it started in 2008 and amazingly I saved all of them. I wanted them on display as a sort of joke to myself. No more bouquet catching for me. 

Love my dad with all my heart.

The man who interviewed me for my baptism when I was 8. He is so dear to me.

All photo credit to the lovely Tabitha at Tabulous Photography. View more of our wedding photos here

The Pure Life

We honeymooned in Costa Rica. It was perfect. I shall let the photos speak for themselves.

 Our Bungalow

 The view from our Bungalow

 How Benji feels about white water rafting.

 How I feel about white water rafting.

Became

So, I did it.

A month ago, I became Sister Lambson.

I knew Benji was kind, funny, wise, Spiritual, hard-working, and (very) handsome before I married him.

But I didn't realize how much he is all of those things, and more.

I used to hate it when people who have been married for a week or a month and say "being married is so great woooo!!!"

But in all honesty. I knew he was a good choice. I knew being married would be great. But I had no idea how much. I am so grateful.

Our wedding day was perfect. I woke up and read 4th Nephi. Then I made my bed. Then I put my makeup on and washed it off. Three times. So I ditched the makeup plan and did something totally different and said "whatever" to the mirror.

Then my sister Emily did my hair. And my daddy gave me a Priesthood blessing. And Benji showed up and told me I looked beautiful and we got in his car and drove to the Temple.

Two little Temple ladies whisked me away and I told them "My mom is a few minutes behind. She's probably worried that I'm worried but I'm fine." Then while I was changing, I heard her walk in and say "Is she worried that I'm late?" And I smiled to myself. I felt calm.

Then Benji and I sat in the Celestial Room by ourselves for a while, just holding hands and looking at the beautiful chandelier. I remembered, as a 16 year old, staring at that chandelier during a choir sound check before the building was dedicated. I remembered feeling joy and knowing I would come back there someday.

The woman came to escort us to the Sealing Room and Benji squeezed my hand and said, "are you ready?" I think I said something super profound like, "uh...yeah?" While walking in the hall we saw both of our fathers. I assume they were signing the marriage documents as our chosen witnesses. We were first taken to a very small Sealing Room where we met our Sealer. He looked a little bit like D. Todd Christofferson.

Then we walked down a long hall to our Sealing Room. I whispered to Benji, "walk slow." I wanted to be in the moment, unrushed. We entered the room to see so many of our dear friends and close family. Some were beaming at us, others were smiling through tears. I held Benji's hand on one side and my mom's on the other.

After the Sealing, my mom, my oldest and dearest friend Anna, and I met in the Bride's Room. It took half an hour for Anna and my mom to figure out how to lace up the back of my dress. Every few minutes one of the Temple ladies would come in and say "Your husband is just waiting outside. We told him a few more minutes." (I found out later he was playing on his iPad) :)

We finally made it outside to greet our siblings who hadn't been in the Sealing Room and everyone who was able to stay. I hugged my Andrew first. Then I discovered Nate sobbing, saying "I don't want Benji to take you away!!" (I think he associated marriage with death) I promised him I would always be his sister and we would still see each other.

After all the pictures had been taken and it was just the two of us and our photographer, Benji realized he no longer had the key to his locker, which had the keys to his car inside it. We were stranded. After 20 minutes of trying to remember everyone's numbers off the top of our heads, we decided to just ask the Temple if they had an extra key. Luckily, Benji's brother had turned his key in to the desk and we were free! While crossing the parking lot we passed a group of 8 year old girls having a Temple lesson. They all ooed and awed  over my dress and flowers. It was fun to tell them, "Yep! We just got married in there!"

We got to our reception just barely on time to start greeting a very long line of guests. Thank you to everyone who patiently waited and to those that only got a brief hello and goodbye--I wish I could have sat down and chatted with each person! Benji's neighbor said, "it was like a ride at Disneyland!"

One of my biggest dreams came true when I got to dance with my dad to "Edelweiss", the song he always sang me to sleep with as a little girl.

After that, all I wanted in the world was to take my beautiful but painful wedding dress OFF so my mom and sisters and I retreated to the dressing room and I got to change. OH sweet relief.

And then it was done. The best day was over and the best life had started.
So many thanks to everyone who worked so so hard. I loved it all.

Aren't our flowers beautiful? All credit goes to my sister Chloe

The Third White Dress

My Three White Dresses

My mom bought me a white dress,

Not red or pink or blue.

She said it was a special dress

Like very other few,

There has been just one before,

A dress now put away,

That I wore some time ago

Upon my blessing day.

As a little baby clothed In my first white dress, 

My dad held me in his arms,

There to name and bless.

So pure and clean was I just then,

With time to grow and learn

About the Father's plan for me.

My glory I must earn.

Now I've reached the age to judge

The wrong road from the right,

And I am here to be baptized

In this dress of white.

So once again I'm free from sin.

The path is clear to me.

I'll grasp the rod and hold on tight, I vow with certainty.

Just as mud would stain my dress,

Sin would stain my soul.

The key is to repent or bleach,

For whiteness is my goal.

And if I try my very best,

Then richly blessed I'll be,

Wearing inside God's holy house

White dress number three,

So today I make this pledge:

I'll strive to choose the right,

Through this sacred baptism ordinance

In my second dress of white. 

(Linda Gay Perry Nelson, 1993)

Joy

My mom is joy. She is filled with hope, faith, and charity.

When I was about 12, my dad said "She is the kindest person I have ever known."
I remember thinking, "Say whaaaat?? NO WAY. She makes me practice my violin. She is NOT kind." ;)
But, it is true. She is self-sacrificing and Christlike and forgiving and I would be lost without her.

The last few weeks, I have felt worried and mentioned to a few people that "Nobody has told me how to be married. I don't know how." A wise lady replied, "Yes you do. You've been watching your mom for 22 years." There is a huge level of peace that comes from knowing she has been my example as a wife, mother, and disciple of Christ.

Also, I am being Sealed in 2.5 days. SO MUCH joy. I know that our marriage will have many unknowns. I know that there will be differences, sleepless nights, miscommunications, and a need for liberal forgiveness. But I also know there will be so much joy.

So I'm thankful for my mother, who helped me become the person that Benji could love. And I'm thankful for Benji, who will help me become a better version of myself.

Awake, my soul!

Guess what. As it turns out, a month before you get married is a really horrible time to pray and ask God to show you your weaknesses.

Buuuuuuuuut I didn't think about that, I just wanted to find things to keep working on and improving and becoming better.

But when you are about to get married, it is not a good time to feel inadequate!!! And I have not mastered the difference between "This is my weakness. How can I make it a strength?" and "Oh I am so weak and horrible and bad at this, thus I am a bad person thus I am worthless thus this thus that on and on...."

However, Benji is perfection and he is very good at reversing my episodes of stress and worry and feeling very badly about myself. He looks at me and says, "Hey. Where did that thought come from?" Because usually, I am in the middle of believing a lie, sent by the Adversary, to destroy my peace and prevent my happiness.

For example:
THOUGHT: I am going to be horrible at being a wife.
Identify, where did it come from? Satan, the father of all lies
Why? What is it's purpose? To make me feel inadequate, afraid, to rob me of faith, to cause me to feel miserable, to prevent the union that will create an Eternal family
Reverse the lie: I am not perfect. But I am good at many things. I have faith that God will make more of me than I can make of myself, and I will be a loving wife.

So daily I am trying to sort out the truths from the lies and not let anxiety and fear dictate my behaviors. I have been following this pattern of identification and reversal, and telling my mind truths over and over. We need to tell ourselves truths; the world is hurling lies at us all the time. I feel a little like the prophet Nephi, when he said:


17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.

19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.

20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

and then later, he says:


 27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

 28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

So even though I still want to be shown my weaknesses and continually improve myself and conquer my faults, I am striving to not make room in my heart and mind for negative thoughts and destructive lies. It takes a lot of energy, but I do not have room for the enemy of my soul.

In other news, I'm marrying Benji in 23 days.

Some things

Everyone, be grateful for something about your body today, because someone somewhere doesn't have that thing.

Like bendy knees and elbows
or dexterous hands
or the ability to talk.

We are really so blessed, you know?

Also, I'm weird about dates. It took about two weeks for me to decide what day I wanted to get married. I did not want a weekend. I did not want an odd number, unless it was 1 or 31. I even struggle with May being a 5, so I just write it out 'May 14, 2014' instead of '5.14.14' *shudder*. Benji in his sweetness finally said "Well should we wait until June??" (just so I could have a 6) and I said no. I could toughen up. So I picked the 14th because its a Wednesday and the 14's look good together. And I  do feel really bad for everyone coming from out of town who will miss extra work and school because I have a disorder. Thank you.

And, I really really know the Church is true. It just is. I can feel it. It makes sense. It brings peace. It gives me hope when things feel hopeless. It is a perfect Church made up of a lot of imperfect people. Sometimes those imperfect people say or do unkind or inappropriate things. I'm sorry. I'm glad we all have the chance to try again when we mess up. I'm glad we're all human and understand what its like to be human. But the Church is still the true church on the earth today, literally run by Jesus Christ Himself, even if the members are human. We're all just striving.

and, Jesus Christ lives. He is a living, working, loving person. He knows you, everything about you. and He LOVES you for it. You can't do anything to make Him stop loving you. He will make you whole.

and, I'm grateful for spring blossoms and colors and trees and birds chirping.

That's all.