15 Ways to Get Fat

1. Drive your car to your next door neighbors house.
2. Butter
3. Paula Dean
4. Keep a stash of candy under your pillow and eat it as you fall asleep.
5. Never, ever exercise.
6. Bacon.
7. Eat 30 twinkies because this is your last chance.
8. Eat a whole roll of Tollhouse cookie dough as fast as you can.
9. Texas Roadhouse
10. Top Ramen
11. Deep fry everything. Even your laptop, because then you can lick your fingers.
12. Bring a camp chair to sit in while in line at McDonalds.
13. Never kiss anyone. (Burns 2 calories a minute, people!)
14. Pop tarts, taquitos, ranch dressing, and pasta.
15. Date Bryan Pistorius. Because he will be sweet and bring you oreos while you are studying and encourage you to eat them. Maybe I just ate 12. Maybe he is the best ever. He is the best ever.