I worked half of a shift-6 hours-then rushed home and changed and walked to the church with Benji. (I love sitting next to that guy in church. He sings so pretty.) We sat down to listen, and I kind of had a "ho hum" attitude. Lovely little day.
Then Elder Richard G. Scott stood up. He said, "I wish I could have a personal interview with each of you. We could weep and laugh and talk about everything in your life. Of course, that is impossible for me. But there is One who it is not impossible for..." and I just started to cry. I'm a visual person, and Elder Scott painted this picture of me sitting down with Heavenly Father just to talk, to laugh, to cry. I realized that I often pray with a mask on. For some reason, I feel like I can't just say it like it is. "So. School and work and life are really hard right now." I always feel like I have to put on my brave face when I'm praying: "Thank thee for all the things that I really don't like." Not that gratitude isn't important, (in fact, Elder Scott discussed gratitude later in his talk) but what I needed to remember was to be real.
God is literally my Father.
and yours.
I call my mom all the time and spill my whole soul to her. I email my dad with questions often. When Benj and I go home on the weekends, we all sit and talk and I tell them everything. I should be at least as comfortable with the Father of my very soul as I am with my earthly parents.
So in the two days since I heard that talk, I've been striving to be real. When I went home from stake conference, I knelt and prayed. It started something like this: Dear Heavenly Father. I just want a baby so bad. And nursing school is way hard. And I'm tired. And I can't find time for all the things I'm "supposed" to do. And I'm trying to pray better..."
And without my brave face on, I felt very, very free.
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