Excema

I've never had cancer.I've never had heart surgery.
I've never had an emergency c-section, or had an eardrum burst.
I'm not allergic to sunscreen.
I'm not allergic to milk or shellfish.
I'm not allergic to anything, actually.
I've never had surgery; I still have my tonsils and wisdom teeth.

But I have excema. And I've struggled with it my whole life. Most people outgrow it, but I think my 20 year history with it shows it's not going anywhere.

The term eczema is broadly applied to a range of persistent skin conditions. These include dryness and recurring skin rashes that are characterized by one or more of these symptoms: redness, skin edema (swelling), itching and dryness, crusting, flaking, blistering, cracking, oozing, or bleeding.

I've tried soaking my hands in salt water.
I've tried slathering them in Bag Balm and sleeping with socks on my hands.
I've tried Aquafor, Hydrocortisone, Cow Udder Cream, Eucerin, Burts Bees, diaper rash creams, steroid cream, and most recently, Witch Hazel lotion, among many many others.

My roommates have continually laughed and/or teased me about how I'll subconciously itch my hands and legs, and how I'll itch them in my sleep. I've woken up with blood running down my arms before because I've been itching all night.

And when I shave my legs, I shave off all these little scabs all over. Its lovely, I tell you.

So don't tease me. I can't help it. It hurts really bad and it itches and burns all day long. I try slathering them in lotion but that can only take me so far. I hope someday to live in a humid climate where there will be more moisture in the air to help heal the cracks in my hands and the scabs all over my legs.

However, I am grateful for my skin. It still functions, even with rashes and gashes and cuts and itchy burning. It helps me achieve my goals and daily tasks.

One thing Lead to Another

Once Upon a time (Freshman year), 

I had two really awesome visiting teachers, Kaitlyn and Amanda:

They were cute and awesome and I loved it when they came to visit. We got to be pretty good friends. Actually, REALLY good friends. I love them. 

Anyway. Amanda mentioned once that I should set her up with someone if I knew anyone. It just so happened that my sweet cousin James also mentioned I should set him up if I knew any cute, available, Spiritual, smart, awesome ladies. Being the clever individual that I am, I put one and one together and gave him her number. They went on a date. 

A few months later I found myself on a road trip with them:

Which led to this:

James and Amanda

and this:

aaaaaand this:

and then this happened:

and all those things led to this:

Eating Thanksgiving dinner with the visiting teacher who became a friend who became my cousin-in-law.

I love you Amanda Jensen! I'm so thankful I get to have you in my family.

(I think they should return the favor, don't you??)

Honor

I cannot think of a better day to honor this man than on Thanksgiving.
This is my Grandpa.
When his wife died of cancer leaving two sons, one of them only two years old who broke both of his legs in the months following her death, and having a job on the railroad that made caring for these sons very complicated, he chose to be grateful.
He went about singing Count Your Many Blessings to carry him through this hard time.
Thank you for your legacy, Grandpa.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain:

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,

And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Refrain

When you look at others with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;

Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy

Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Refrain

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,

Do not be disheartened, God is over all;

Count your many blessings, angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

I miss....

Bryan
Wally
Bracken
Spencer
Ben
Tanner
Aaron
Dallas
Jake
Parker
&
others....

But

thank you

for doing

what you're doing

because I am who I am

because of someone like you.

(but I would still really love to start going to some homecomings)

(or, you know, a letter would suffice)

(until I've finished reading it)

Speaking of which. If you want to have your heart warmed and twisted all at once: Click me

Anything of Value

takes work.
Sometimes, I really think about giving up nursing and going into social work. Both of these paths could lead to what I ultimately want to do with my life, which is to lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen the feeble knees.

Why is it so hard??? My whole life people told me if I wanted something bad enough I could get it. Well, I've never wanted anything more than I want to become a nurse and for all the fighting and trying and hoping and working, I sure do feel empty handed.

And tired. I feel so tired. Not just physically tired, but mentally, emotionally, soul-fully tired.

I'm Gonna Love You Through It

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.

Thoughts Today

     I woke up late, put on a green shirt, curled my hair in a frenzy, didn't eat anything, and ran to work. I'm grateful for normal, busy, life-ish moments.    I went to see the Nutcracker last night with my Mama and Abby. My cute cousin Mariah was in it. I was thrilled. I felt like a little girl. I love going to ballets. I used to be a dancer when I was little. I quit when I was twelve because I thought I was too fat. How sad is that?
   I got a letter yesterday from this boy. Such a good letter. Such a good friend.
   Remember how I didn't eat breakfast? I would sell my dog for a Caribbean Passion right now. (Oh right, I don't have a dog.)
   I'm grateful for friends. Old best friends, new best friends, best friends that become cousins, sisters that always were best friends, my mom's friends that become my friends...you edify me.
    Speaking of my mama...I'm never getting off this soapbox. I LOVE her. aaah I just love her.
   And my Daddy?? He's the cutest. He sends me cute emails all the time. Sometimes they make me tear up at work because he is just so awesome.
     I'm getting so stoked for Christmas. I don't know when I'll have time to finish everything I need to do for it.
     Life is beautiful.