Mantra

Reasons

   Have you ever realized something from your childhood that explains a part of who you are today? Like when Andrew watches Peter Pan and knows thats the reason he always wanted to fly and write and a number of other things. I always note Abby's first surgery ten years ago as the spark that made me want to be a nurse. But....

   Maybe this is why I want to go into medicine:

My mom used to watch it with me when I was really little

And maybe this is why I have an affinity for bold, impertinent men who sweat too much, have a soft side, and don't shave their beards:

I

just

can't

get

enough

of

it.

"People who are popular when they're young... they often grow up to have very dull lives. And people who are different... they go on to be successful and make wonderful contributions."

-Dr. Mike

Happy Anniversary

24 years ago today

I love you!!

What Christmas Means

When I think of the birth of Christ, I think of what Him coming to this earth meant. It meant freedom. It meant love. It meant eternal joy for all of us.

Although some may label this as an Easter poem, it also makes me think of Christmas.

Empty Linen 

by Emily Harris

The linen which once held Him is empty.

It lies there,

Fresh and white and clean.

The door stands opened.

The stone is rolled away,

And I can almost hear the angels singing His praises.

Linen cannot hold Him.

Stone cannot hold Him.

The words echo through the empty limestone chamber,

“He is not here.”

The linen which once held Him is now empty.

It lies there,

Fresh and white and clean

And oh, hallelujah, it is empty.

Merry Christmas

A Few of My Favorite Things

Super dark chocolate
White and yellow roses
Gentlemen
Movies
Skirts
Handwritten letters
Red lipstick
hugs
laughing uncontrollably
unspoken comfort
high heels
Cardigans
blown kisses
the smell of clean hair
muscle soreness
text messages
BYU
sinking gas prices
victories
patriotism
sleeves that hang down to my fingers
my dad's sweat pants
newborn noises
my mom's perfume
whispering
swingsets
smoothies
finding new things in the Scriptures
underlining those things perfectly
color
triumphs
sunflowers
peppermint
musicals
classic rock
camping
balloons
books
HARRY POTTER
v-ball pens
being barefoot
Sunshine
starburst lilies
umbrellas
I love yous
boys that smell good
Superhero movies
Jazz music
Country music
twinkle lights
Cowboys
glitter
Sharing my testimony
going to the Temple
rain
Airports
The Soft Look
snuggling
cleverness
Hospitals
naps
jokes
Joy

Happy/Grumpy

Happy: being home
Grumpy: commuting back to Provo for work
Happy: going jogging with Abby (I am SORE today. That girl made me do lunges)
Grumpy: dentist today. Last fillings from the ones they found back in October....I broke my 20 year no-cavity streak. Now my mouth is numb in two perpendicular places. It feels awkward.
Happy: The gluten free thing isn't helping my hands. So I can eat whatever I want.
Grumpy: The gluten free thing isn't helping my hands. So I can eat whatever I want.
Happy: I got a letter.
Grumpy: I also got a small carbuncle.
Happy: I'm going on a date with my Lauren tonight.
Happy: It's Christmas time.
Happy: I love hanging out with my parents
Happy: This new year holds a lot for me.

(you all just googled the meaning of the word carbuncle, didn't you?)

In the Name of Love

(I borrowed this from NieNie, today is her 11th Wedding Anniversary)
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
Louis De Bernieres

This is something I learned this semester, Fall 2011. Partly from my marriage class, partly from watching my parents, and partly from me myself just learning.

   In my marriage class, we compared a marriage to the story of Christ as a shepherd, leaving the ninety and nine to find the one. My professor (who is a knock your socks off professor, I wish I could major in marriage prep just so I can only take his classes) taught us that in marriage, both spouses are the shepherd for each other, continually seeking out the one. Even when you're grumpy, or tired, or annoyed, or they have hurt you, they are still your one, and you are still their shepherd. That is love.

   My parents are so lovely. Its hard for me to talk or type about them because I get emotional. They will celebrate their 24th wedding anniversary a few days after Christmas. I'm so thankful for their love. I'm so thankful for their selflessness. I'm thankful for times to laugh. I'm thankful for eternal families.

   Now me. I've learned a lot about love this semester, particularly how the Savior loves me. Sometimes, its very hard for me to believe that He loves me free of charge. I often feel that I have to qualify, or 'earn' it. It's already mine. I can't earn it, and I can't take it away. I am loved. I am the one, and He will continually come after me when I stray. He will help me on the tests I am unready for, He will help me give the lesson I prepared the night before, He will bless me in every moment. He only asks me to try.

I am still learning. But I know that this season is about Love. God is Love. Love is Joy. Joy is Eternal.

Is he Amiable?

Two of the most frightening things in the world:
1) Sneezing while driving (and if you know me, you know I ALWAYS sneeze 3 consecutive times. The person driving and swerving in front of you is not drunk, she's sneezing.)
2) watching the blob of toothpaste fall off your toothbrush onto your shirt. WHY is it so impossible to remove that? Why does it have to be washed, you can't just wipe it off???

Last night, I did something I've always wanted to do. I got to volunteer with the Children with Cancer Christmas Foundation. A magical organization that gives the spirit of Christmas to children, and their parents. I think the fact that the parents are helped so much is what means the most to me, because so often the pain and hurt and suffering of the parent is overlooked when the child is fighting cancer.
    I get to go help again tonight, at the big family party. Coach Rose brings the BYU basketball team and they lift up sick little kids and help them shoot baskets, and they (and their siblings) get to pick out gifts and play and do crafts and meet Santa. I'm so happy to be able to give back.

I have one final left. Statistics. Wish me love.

Beautiful

Girls are not told they are beautiful often enough.
Not even half enough.
I say this because a complete gentleman told me I'm beautiful today. This man and I are not even very good friends. Barely more than acquaintances. But he told me I'm beautiful. Not "You look beautiful today," but "You are beautiful." Stunned, amazed, completely taken off guard.
    Then I got thinking about it. It shouldn't have surprised me. Every girl should know that she is beautiful. We are daughters of Almighty God. He made us. We are masterpieces. I suggest every woman get a testimony of her own beauty.
    To me, beauty is synonymous with light. The more light you have, the more beautiful you are. Doctrine and Covenants 50:24 says, "That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day." I am a seeker of light. I am a seeker of true beauty.
    I also think boys should tell girls they are beautiful more often.

A Beauty but a Funny Girl

I'm a princess.

For real. 

I'm going to be Belle for little girls' princess parties. Can. Not. Wait.

Click me

A Non Serious Post For Once

A photo. Because I haven't posted a photo in a while. Also I like my smile in this. 

As a few know, I am trying to live gluten free for the next couple of months and see if it helps my Excema (see post two below). So far it seems to have HELPED, but if I am going to give up bread and cereal and cupcakes and all that deliciousness, I'm going to have to see a much bigger result. We'll see. It is making me be super healthy, though. Too bad ice cream doesn't have gluten in it...
    Anyway, I have been craving Cafe Rio for the past two days. Craving. So I researched what has gluten there, and the answer was pretty much everything, which is too bad because it's my favorite restaurant. So I made my own, with chicken, lettuce, black beans, salsa seasoning, avocados, and corn tortillas. Very delicious if I do say so myself.
(My bosses gave me a whole box of Cakebites from Sweet Tooth Fairy for Christmas. Gluten filled AGONY.)
    I have two days of classes left, and three finals after that. Hallelujah! On to next semester, new classes and (hopefully) getting accepted to nursing school.

    Bryan emailed me voice recordings. Ask me if they worked when I tried to listen to them. NO.
    Ask me if the pictures he also emailed came through. YES.
    Ask me if I got a letter and an email(s). YES. YES.
    The yes's outweigh the no's. Win.

Ask me if I feel like I'm getting tighter and tighter with my roommates. YES. And I love them.

I miss my Aggie friends. A lot.

I have TWO (2) sketch ideas in my head for a potential comedic audition, aka Divine Comedy. Too bad the auditions are in September. If anyone wants me to practice, I will.

Oh and I rap now.

Speech

It was my last public speaking class tonight. We all had to give an impromptu speech. There was a basket of slips of paper with topics on them. We would pull two out, pick one, and have two minutes to prepare to give a speech.
   My favorite one was the last one, given by our professor. This was her opening line:

"There is an old cliché that says 'If you love something, let it go.' I think that is bad advice. If you love something, hold it close."

Mama. Daddy. Andrew. Chloe. Emily. Abby. Nate.

The Gospel.

The Savior.

The Book of Mormon.

Lauren.

Violin.

Laughing.

Smoothies.

Sunshine.

Happiness.

Deja Vu

Back when Andrew had cancer and I was fifteen, I fulfilled an interesting and undefined role. Nobody told me or asked me to, we all just knew it was my job and I did it.
   I would wake up at 5:30 in the morning, go to early morning seminary, and then to school. I would come home with my sisters at 3:30. Somehow we all got our homework and practicing done, and then I would make dinner or serve dinner, depending on if someone from the neighborhood was bringing food that night. Then I would get everyone ready for bed, and when my pregnant mom came home at 10 or 11 from being with Andrew at the hospital, we would lie on her bed and talk and cry. Then I would wake up the next day and do it again.
   I know without a doubt that I got through it with Heavenly Father's grace. I didn't even know what I was doing until it was over and I looked back on that year. It was completely impossible, and I could do it because He strengthened me.
   Yesterday at work, my mom sent me a text that said "I need you." My mom is tough and would never ask me to come home and miss work and school unless she was serious. So I called a subsitute for work, asked friends to take notes in class, hopped in Jiffy and drove home. She was really really sick yesterday.
   I noticed that I fell into "Cancer Year Mode" again. I went into overdrive. And at the end of the day, I couldn't believe what I had done, and that is because again I was strengthened to do what needed to be done.
   He truly loves us. He truly takes inadequate people and qualifies them for His service. I'm so grateful to be able to serve. I'm so grateful I'm able to serve. My absolute most favorite quote from President Monson goes something like this: "If the Lord needs an errand run, I want Him to know that Tom Monson will run it for Him." I hope to be that person. If the Lord needs an errand run, I want Him to know that Bethany will run it for Him.
   So, I guess the point of this blog post is to notice what God has done for you today. Notice how He has made you more than you are. His grace is everywhere.

Excema

I've never had cancer.I've never had heart surgery.
I've never had an emergency c-section, or had an eardrum burst.
I'm not allergic to sunscreen.
I'm not allergic to milk or shellfish.
I'm not allergic to anything, actually.
I've never had surgery; I still have my tonsils and wisdom teeth.

But I have excema. And I've struggled with it my whole life. Most people outgrow it, but I think my 20 year history with it shows it's not going anywhere.

The term eczema is broadly applied to a range of persistent skin conditions. These include dryness and recurring skin rashes that are characterized by one or more of these symptoms: redness, skin edema (swelling), itching and dryness, crusting, flaking, blistering, cracking, oozing, or bleeding.

I've tried soaking my hands in salt water.
I've tried slathering them in Bag Balm and sleeping with socks on my hands.
I've tried Aquafor, Hydrocortisone, Cow Udder Cream, Eucerin, Burts Bees, diaper rash creams, steroid cream, and most recently, Witch Hazel lotion, among many many others.

My roommates have continually laughed and/or teased me about how I'll subconciously itch my hands and legs, and how I'll itch them in my sleep. I've woken up with blood running down my arms before because I've been itching all night.

And when I shave my legs, I shave off all these little scabs all over. Its lovely, I tell you.

So don't tease me. I can't help it. It hurts really bad and it itches and burns all day long. I try slathering them in lotion but that can only take me so far. I hope someday to live in a humid climate where there will be more moisture in the air to help heal the cracks in my hands and the scabs all over my legs.

However, I am grateful for my skin. It still functions, even with rashes and gashes and cuts and itchy burning. It helps me achieve my goals and daily tasks.

One thing Lead to Another

Once Upon a time (Freshman year), 

I had two really awesome visiting teachers, Kaitlyn and Amanda:

They were cute and awesome and I loved it when they came to visit. We got to be pretty good friends. Actually, REALLY good friends. I love them. 

Anyway. Amanda mentioned once that I should set her up with someone if I knew anyone. It just so happened that my sweet cousin James also mentioned I should set him up if I knew any cute, available, Spiritual, smart, awesome ladies. Being the clever individual that I am, I put one and one together and gave him her number. They went on a date. 

A few months later I found myself on a road trip with them:

Which led to this:

James and Amanda

and this:

aaaaaand this:

and then this happened:

and all those things led to this:

Eating Thanksgiving dinner with the visiting teacher who became a friend who became my cousin-in-law.

I love you Amanda Jensen! I'm so thankful I get to have you in my family.

(I think they should return the favor, don't you??)

Honor

I cannot think of a better day to honor this man than on Thanksgiving.
This is my Grandpa.
When his wife died of cancer leaving two sons, one of them only two years old who broke both of his legs in the months following her death, and having a job on the railroad that made caring for these sons very complicated, he chose to be grateful.
He went about singing Count Your Many Blessings to carry him through this hard time.
Thank you for your legacy, Grandpa.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain:

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,

And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Refrain

When you look at others with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;

Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy

Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Refrain

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,

Do not be disheartened, God is over all;

Count your many blessings, angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

I miss....

Bryan
Wally
Bracken
Spencer
Ben
Tanner
Aaron
Dallas
Jake
Parker
&
others....

But

thank you

for doing

what you're doing

because I am who I am

because of someone like you.

(but I would still really love to start going to some homecomings)

(or, you know, a letter would suffice)

(until I've finished reading it)

Speaking of which. If you want to have your heart warmed and twisted all at once: Click me

Anything of Value

takes work.
Sometimes, I really think about giving up nursing and going into social work. Both of these paths could lead to what I ultimately want to do with my life, which is to lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen the feeble knees.

Why is it so hard??? My whole life people told me if I wanted something bad enough I could get it. Well, I've never wanted anything more than I want to become a nurse and for all the fighting and trying and hoping and working, I sure do feel empty handed.

And tired. I feel so tired. Not just physically tired, but mentally, emotionally, soul-fully tired.

I'm Gonna Love You Through It

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.

Thoughts Today

     I woke up late, put on a green shirt, curled my hair in a frenzy, didn't eat anything, and ran to work. I'm grateful for normal, busy, life-ish moments.    I went to see the Nutcracker last night with my Mama and Abby. My cute cousin Mariah was in it. I was thrilled. I felt like a little girl. I love going to ballets. I used to be a dancer when I was little. I quit when I was twelve because I thought I was too fat. How sad is that?
   I got a letter yesterday from this boy. Such a good letter. Such a good friend.
   Remember how I didn't eat breakfast? I would sell my dog for a Caribbean Passion right now. (Oh right, I don't have a dog.)
   I'm grateful for friends. Old best friends, new best friends, best friends that become cousins, sisters that always were best friends, my mom's friends that become my friends...you edify me.
    Speaking of my mama...I'm never getting off this soapbox. I LOVE her. aaah I just love her.
   And my Daddy?? He's the cutest. He sends me cute emails all the time. Sometimes they make me tear up at work because he is just so awesome.
     I'm getting so stoked for Christmas. I don't know when I'll have time to finish everything I need to do for it.
     Life is beautiful.

The Will to Survive

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive

Don't you worry
Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes

Now I've found you
There's no more emptiness inside
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive

I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do

Now I've found you
There's no more emptiness inside
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive

I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive

That Awkward Moment...

....when your roommate french braids your hair and you end up looking polygamist.

 Sorry....had to

Advocate

D&C 38:4 “I say, even as many as have believed in my name, for I am Christ, and in mine own name, by the virtue of the blood which I have spilt, have I pleaded before the Father for them.”

     This past summer I had a job which gave me a whole new insight and understanding into the meaning of the word “advocate.”

    I worked as a CNA, Certified Nurses Assistant, in a Rehab and Acute care center. One of my first patients was a woman younger than my mom who has been paralyzed from the neck down for the past 8 years from a tragic car accident. She was pregnant at the time of the crash. Luckily, her son lived, but he and his three older sisters are being raised by their grandparents and don’t visit my patient often. She is very particular about the way she likes things done, and because she can only operate her mouth, this makes her very demanding. When I first cared for her, I didn’t do something the way she wanted it and she snapped at me. I took it personally and hoped to never work with her again. 

    Then, I started thinking about her and her situation. All of the other CNA’s talked behind her back and groaned about being assigned to her room. They would neglect to answer her call light because they knew whatever she wanted would be picky and time consuming. I decided I was going to be different. I decided to love her with everything I had. I would fight her battles for her, because she has a body that cannot. I asked the management if they would please assign me to her room every day, so that I could be her advocate, get her what she needed and how she wanted it, and defend her to the other staff. I became the master at her particulars, and she and I became very close friends.

    This is the way the Savior is. He knows we’re prickly and difficult. He knows who is talking behind our backs and who dislikes us. He knows our abilities. He has felt our pain and sorrow, happiness and joy, sin and mistakes. He is our advocate with the Father. He fights our battles for us. I love Him.

To my Parents

Dear Mama and Daddy,

I went to Tithing settlement today in my BYU ward. I walked in and they handed me that piece of paper with all my information on it, my birthdate and the date I was baptized. The part that made all my insides warm up with joy and happiness was the part that said "Born in the Covenant." All I have to say really is thank you so much. I love you.

Love,

Bethie

Such a Spectacle as You Have Never Seen

BYU Tall Club.

It exists.

I'm in the presidency.
I'm also the shortest.

We really truly hold events where Tall people come and be tall. I fully believe it was formed by flustered females (+3) looking for tall males. Tonight we had a virtual dunking competition as well as a just dance marathon. Accompanied by nachos, cookies, gummy worms, and apple juice.

Remember last year when I won the Tall Club cookie decorating competition?


So if you're Tall.
Or if you want to be Tall.
Or you think you're Tall.
Or you just think I'm way awesome.

Every other Tuesday, 3223 of the Wilk, 8:30.

Be there or be short.

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Wow.

I'm taking a Public Speaking class.
Group project to create a news broadcast produced this:



Then, being me, decided to send it to the boy mentioned in the previous post, as well as in the video above. (http://www.eastercloset.com/)

Woke up this morning with a friend request.

Best. College. Moment. So. Far.

Fundamentally Weird

I've come to a conclusion, after a conversation with a friend in my ward last night, that I am fundamentally weird.

Honestly.

I make people uncomfortable.

Hints to this core issue of mine:

-In 2nd grade, on Beach Day (a day in January where you all come to school in summer clothes...I don't really get it) I stood up, spontaneously, by myself, and danced the Macarena in front of the entire school.

-Growing up, it was more likely to run into me playing pioneers than princesses. I had a log that I treated like a cow. Udderly despicable. It's true. The best was when all the children would get pneumonia and I'd single handedly nurse them back to health with "herbs."

-I have a huge fear of using public restrooms.

-I sleep with a cougar pillow pet.

-I'm writing to a missionary that I have never met. Or seen outside of pictures. We've been writing for over a year. We know quite a lot about each other. It will be super weird when he comes home in July. "Hi. I'm Bethany. Nice to 'meet' you." I googled the address to his mission home the first time I wrote him. It's true.

-I think many different flavors of baby food taste delicious.

-I once pretended to be deaf in the drive through at the bank. I wrote everything I wanted on a piece of paper and sent it through the zoom thing. (that's a technical term)

-I prefer super dark chocolate. As in baking chocolate. As in 60% cocoa or darker. And I don't like doughnuts.

-When doing clinicals for my CNA class at St. Marks Hospital, I deliberately abandoned my post on the Oncology floor and sought out the Nursery. Yes I creeped on those sweet babies.

-I use odd grammar. I blame this on my Star Wars fettish (you know, Yoda). One time at the ice skating rink, I believed the dude had given me incorrect change. So I stuck out my palm and said "I still require a dollar in this hand." I was wrong....

-I sing. And dance. While driving.

So. I'm Odd. I really don't think there's anything to be done about it. Someone is just going to have to love the oddness. Maybe I'll go watch Runaway Bride again where Julia Roberts makes the Duckbill platypus face and is still adorable. Or perhaps my parent's wedding video. They're both weird in that one.

On a side note, which (come to think of it) completely validates my fundamental weirdness, I have a fascination in this boy: www.eastercloset.com
For real. If our blogs mated, it would be epic.
If I actually met him in real life, that would also be epic.

My Perfect World

Bathroom stalls.
In my perfect world, bathroom stall walls would reach all the way to the floor and all the way to the ceiling. I hate the gap between the stall wall and the floor. What if someone recognizes my shoes?! That is so awkward. I am a firm believer in Potty Privacy. Ask my roommates.

Bluntness.
I hate all the howdy doody of dating. Honestly, why can't you just walk up to someone and say "Hi. I think you're beautiful. I'm interested in you. Want to get to know me?" Instead of all the 'you text me first/I text you first, he asked you out twice so now you have ask him out, what does that facebook status even mean?!' stuff. Hate it.

Green arrows.
I love green left turn arrows. Favorite driving moment. That should happen all the time.

Shower heads.
Would be higher than my head, so I don't have to resort to acrobatic maneuvers to wash my hair.

Boys that smell good...
...would constantly be walking past me with the wind blowing my direction.

Nursing school.
Would not be so difficult to get in to. If you could see my heart, you'd be begging me to come to you, and not the other way around.

Movies.
Why?? Why do you have to use naughty words and innuendo and have dirty scenes? Don't you know that I love movies? Don't you know that I turn you off and walk away when you have stuff like that?? Nobody really likes it! It makes us uncomfortable!

Immodest Girls
You're not cute. It's like if I say to you "try not to think about Elephants." What do you think of? An Elephant. What if I did that while at the Zoo looking at the Elephants? K, when you dress like a floozy, that is like the Elephant thing to boys except "Try not to have dirty thoughts" while you're parading past them.

Telecommunitexting
I look at my phone.
I tell it what the text should say with my mind
I tell it to whom the text should be sent with my mind
Text sent. In the middle of class. Without touching my phone. Brilliant.

Snow.
Only on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. And late at night when you're holding hands and walking and the snowflakes stick to your eyelashes. *feminine sigh*

Jamba Juice.
would deliver. Like pizza. Call them up every couple hours and have them drive me one. *heaven in a styrofoam cup*

Now, some of the above statements may come off a little flippant. They are not intended to do so. Of course, it would be perfect if I could rid the world of hunger and disease and heartbreak and forgotten children. When I think of these things I remember Doctrine and Covenants 121, which says all these things shall be for our good, will give us experience, and will be but a small moment.

So. Until I can solve the bigger problems, I will stick with bathroom stalls and the nature of cold weather. And bending over backwards to wash my hair.

I Cried At Work

For those of you unfamiliar with BYU, there is a devotional held in the Marriott Center (Basketball stadium) every Tuesday at 11 a.m. Because I work 9-1 and the time it would take to run up to the Marriott Center and then back down to the Law School is unrealistic, we watch the live devotional stream from BYUtv.
Today, President Monson came to speak. HUGE deal. We normally get one of our own professors. He gave a beautiful talk about being a light and an example, but the last story he told was what got to me. I tried to find the actual thing word for word, but no one has posted it yet so here is my recollection:

When President Monson was a mission president in East Canada, he had a young missionary in his care who had fallen sick and had to have a serious operation. The missionary's parents were called and flew out for the operation, because the doctors said his chances of living through it were slim.
The young missionary was staying in a hospital ward with six beds, his bed being number 3. The morning of the operation, the nurse came in with a tray of breakfast and approached the first bed. "No thank you," said the patient "I'm not feeling very hungry this morning."
She went to the next bed, got the same answer. After receiving five answers of "not hungry" she threw up her hands in frustration and asked the patients how they were supposed to get better if they wouldn't eat.
The patient in bed number six pointed at the empty bed number 3. "This Elder is our friend. He has laid in that bed teaching us the principles of his gospel, of prayer and repentance and forgiveness and fasting. We are fasting for our friend today."
The operation was extremely successful, and the young missionary was able to return to his service.

I testify that fasting works. I have seen it heal and protect and comfort and strengthen. I testify of Jesus Christ, who is the Light I strive to emulate and stand as a witness of every day. I know He lives, I know it better than I know that the sun will rise in the morning. And I testify of these things in His sacred name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

A Dream Deferred

By Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Plans

-Be a mom
-Own a motorcycle
-Donate a kidney
-Ride in a hot air balloon
-go on a humanitarian trip
-learn a different language
-adopt a child
-own a husky
-learn to ski/snowboard
-learn to play the piano
-be there for someone in their most difficult hour
-serve a mission, as a sister or a couple. (or both!)
-own a hammock
-be an EFY counselor
-be a Ma on Trek
-live in a different state (I have never lived outside of Utah. Crazy, I know.)
-direct a dance studio for little girls where the music is clean and the costumes are modest
-work in a flower shop
-be one of the nurses behind the scenes at General Conference
-be financially stable enough to give to anyone who needs it at any time
-learn to love unconditionally
-See New Zealand

Some things I Love

Emilie.
I love Emilie. I love going to the Library and Walmart at 11:00 p.m. and almost buying adult size footie pajamas (PLEASE can we go back and buy some?!). I love how last night I was doing the whole pre-bedtime face washing/teeth brushing routine and she was sitting on her bed watching and all of a sudden she started singing (in the MOST adorable voice) "Giiiiiive meeeee yourrrrr PAAAAAAANTS!!!!" Clearly, she likes my pants. (Who wouldn't, right? They were the black silky Puma sweats I've been wearing since junior year of high school)

The Dentist.
Okay that was a lie, but I love that he made my smile pretty yesterday. Once upon a time in 9th grade, I ran into a glass door just like the crows in those Windex commercials and chipped the bottom half off of my front tooth. I went and had it fixed that day, but it wasn't very well done and it's been slowly chipping off again and it was never quite right and I would always see it in pictures and in the mirror...anyway it's fixed now! So make me laugh because it is a beautiful sight.

Jamba Juice.
This goes without saying. Thank you to Heather and Amanda for providing me with enough Jamba coupons to fill my addiction for the next couple days I mean weeks.

My Mama.
I love how she takes my face in her hands and kisses my cheek when I come or go. I love how she can never send just one text at a time, she always has something else to say and I get 4+ texts for every one text I send her. I love her smile and her advice and the sound of her voice and her perfume and her Mickey Mouse crocks. I love that she always knows what to say and she believes in me when I don't believe in myself.

Faith & Trust.
Something I have been learning very well in my life, but especially in the past months. There is a plan, and all I have to do is try my best to follow it everyday. I am loved and watched over. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. *and to my lovely red haired friend, thank you for being the epitome example of this. Glove you. I've got your back forever, girl.

Pixie Dust.
(Sorry, had to) I believe in miracles.

Love,
Bethany

The Little Things

Running late this morning.

No parking spaces.

Resorted to parking in the Graduate Student lot next to the law school. Set an alarm on my phone to remind me to move it after work/before the police make their ticket-giving rounds

Alarm fail.

Remembered the whole deal during class.

Insert prayer that I might not get a ticket please please please, but if I do help me have a positive attitude and not let it ruin my day.

*5 hours later*

No ticket.

Thank Thee.

Twenty

(Me with my grandpa when I was a young'n)

10x2
12+8
30-10
5x4

20.

When I was five, my daddy was diagnosed with a rare brain disease. (He's fine, FYI. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it, it was *gulp* 15 years ago)

When I was ten, my sweet Abby was born with a heart defect.

Two days before I turned fifteen, Andrew was diagnosed with cancer.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO US THIS YEAR?!

What is going to happen for me this year?

There are 366 days ahead of me (leap year, people). What's coming? Am I going to FINALLY get in to nursing school? Am I going to have to transfer to do it? Am I going to submit my papers and go on a mission? Am I going to get a tapeworm and lose 50 pounds (wow I'd look funny). Am I going to chop all my hair off? Am I going to buy a plane ticket to somewhere? Am I going to *double gulp* GET MARRIED BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT 20 YEAR OLDS DO IN PROVO?!

I don't really remember a lot from being 19. It was a year of being stressed and worrying and trying to have faith and trust and feeling disappointed and upset a lot. Kind of a waste, if you ask me. I don't want to waste being 20.

*kudos to my mom for being cut open 20 years ago so I would be healthy and have a pretty shaped head
*kudos to me for not being a teenager anymore
*kudos to my parents for being married when they were my age (ok, so 20 is the average of their ages when they got married.)
*kudos to Andrew for never once being mean to me in 20 years (unless you count tickling me until I cried)
*Kudos to Chloe, Em, Abby, and Nate for making the past 16 years and 3 months of my life even more magical
*what in the heck does kudos mean??

SOMETHING IS ON FIRE

Woke up this morning, took a shower, proceeded to diffuse my hair in layers.

Thought it was odd that cute roommates Holly, Heather, Mickelle, and Katie were being so quiet, seeing as they were planning to leave for Vegas in an hour.

Kept blow drying my hair in layers. (For the male readers, this is a procedure where I pin up most of the hair, dry the stuff hanging down, pull a little more down, dry that, so on and so forth...)

Hear Mickelle scream "Help!!! Something's on fire!!"

I ignore this and continue to dry my hair, thoughts being: "The other 3 are awake, they can help her, and it's probably not a big deal, probably burning toast or something."

*silence*

"HELP!! SOMETHINGS ON FIRE!!!"

I put the blow dryer down and in no immitation of haste or worry, walk to the kitchen. Much to my surprise, there WAS something on fire.

It was a jar of icing with a bunch of candles sticking out of it. And crepes. And berries, nutella, whipped cream, peanut butter, assorted chocolate chips, sour cream, etc.....

AND if that wasn't sweet and adorable and awesome enough, they bought me a brand new tube of mascara. I would have cried, but that would have ruined the mascara....


Thanks for being so awesome and only getting 2 hours of sleep, guys! Have fun in vegas!

I like birthdays.

Do's and Don'ts

DO buy your groceries from Macey's in Provo. Um, cute boys galore. In blue aprons. They should redesign the Oscar Award statue guy to look like a Provo Macey's employee in a blue apron.

DON'T manipulate. It's mean. And It won't work, I'll react to somebody else besides you so that I still get to react but you don't get to see it. So there.

DO send people flowers. I'm a sucker for flowers...and there is a beautiful arrangement sitting on my desk at work right now that was sent to thank the office for sponsoring a Dillard's event....it includes yellow roses oh my mercy and they SMELL AMAZING. I may or may not have found multiple reasons to stick my face in them today.

DON'T go to Law School and be an arrogant law student. Sure, go to Law School and study hard and work hard and be great. But you're not the only one doing that. You're not the most important. And everyone is busy. So please be nice.

DO use snail mail. There's nothing to describe the thrill of opening the mailbox and seeing a letter with MY NAME ON IT (I got a birthday card from my beautiful little sister today. It lights up when you open it. *tangled noise*)

DON'T assume. You don't know.

DO pray for service opportunities. Because Heavenly Father will send them to you.

DON'T hang a large (or any size for that matter) poster of Justin Bieber on your door. Because I will remove it.

DO clean the bathrooms sometimes. I cleaned the bathrooms yesterday. I felt so domestic.

DON'T forget to be gentle with yourself.

Love,
Bethany

Dear Cute Boys

Dear Cute Boy from the Creamery,

Thanks for helping me yesterday morning when I bought that ginormous sweet roll for a lady in the office's birthday. It was early and I was the only one in the store and you smiled really big and asked how my weekend went. Kudos. I may or may not have gone back to the creamery this morning to buy an apple or some yogurt and maybe spot your cute glasses again. Apparently Tuesday mornings are major stocking day at the Creamery because there were employees everywhere. *sigh* I'll just have to think of a reason to go to the Creamery tomorrow morning as well....

Dear Cute Boy Lost in the Law School,

I will help you find room 224 anyday.

Dear Cute Boy at Help Desk,

You smell good. Keep it up.

Dear Cute Boys everywhere,

Thanks for holding the door for me when you don't know me. Thanks for smiling big and nodding your heads like you do. Thanks for asking questions in class and not being too macho to admit you don't understand. Thanks for leaning over and whispering funny things to me to make class less boring and helping me stay awake. Thanks for leaning over the desk at work and being patient while I figure out the answer to your question and then saying "thank you". Thanks for being talented and sharing your talents like singing/playing musical instruments/wiggling one eyebrow. Thanks for not swearing and having integrity. Thanks for not being dumb like the not cute boys.

Love,
Bethany

Lessons in Dating

Sometimes, we role play.

When trying to impress someone of the opposite gender, it is best to not trip on the way in:



It doesn't really inspire very many amorous feelings with the subject of your affection. But, if you do happen to trip or something equally humiliating, getting up off the floor and laughing at yourself is a huge show of confidence and may be labeled as "sweet" or "cute". (Yes, guys, when you're trying to get a girl, 'cute' is a good thing)

Next. Look for the empty seat option. "Hey, is anyone sitting here?" Quickly followed by "Hi, I'm ______________, what's your name?" *Ring check her/him* This can then be followed by the customary questions: where are you from, what's your major, will you marry me....you get it.



Now, this part is crucial. (And guys, being confident is a HUGE turn on for girls, being creepy is a huge turn off.) If you want her number, ask for it. If you just had a nice conversation, and she doesn't have a ring on her finger, GET HER NUMBER. Most girls will walk away from that experience knowing you wanted it and wondering why you didn't ask for it, and if you DID ask for it, she will inwardly squeal and giggle and try to appear calm and collected until you're out of earshot so she can call her roommates/mom/wedding photographer.



This advice is provided as a public service by Apartment 203. Any reproduction of this information is strictly prohibited.