Melancholy

I feel melancholy today.
And when that happens, I write.
So I'm sorry for the blog flood this week, but this is how I deal with stuff. I write.

It has been said that you love those you serve. I know this is true. Often when I feel frustrated or angry with someone, I find a way to serve them. Then I love them.

There was a man that I took care of when I was a CNA this past summer. In the beginning, he drove me absolutely crazy. He was almost completely deaf, and apparently 'Bethany' is a hard name to hear. He's the one who gave me all my nicknames: Stephanie, Daphne, Beckany, Angel, Becky, Rosalie, and the list goes on. He also said some of the funniest things I ever heard while working there, which I will keep to myself because many of them are inappropriate. He had had a stroke, and so the left side of his body was nearly useless. He could stand and move himself from wheel chair to bed and back again using the right side of his body and me, the aid, on the other side.
    He was always cold, and I learned to remember to put the beanie cap on his head and wrap one blanket around his shoulders and the other on his lap. He would holler at me if I left his door open because he was convinced there was a draft. I learned to remember to give him a sip of water before bed and to put his box of tissues by his left shoulder at night. And slowly, I learned to love this man who had originally been such a bother to me.
   He passed away today.
   I was already feeling sad before I heard the news, and maybe its because the piece of me that I put into serving and caring and loving him knew.
   
   There are a few things I know, with absolute certainty:
   God lives.
   Jesus Christ lives.
   They know who I am, and they love me.
   Life is beautiful. And it ends.
   There is a life after this, where we will all be reunited.
   Love is so important.

So in my melancholy state today, I am holding on to these absolute truths. Everything else feels uncertain and unclear, but those things are in tact. And the Sun will rise in the morning.