Holland, again

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

-C.S. Lewis

Sacrifice

Sacrifice your fear so you can have faith.
Sacrifice your pride so you can feel peace.
Sacrifice your time so you can live life.
Sacrifice your self so you can love others.
Sacrifice your life so you can know God.
Sacrifice what you want now, for what you want most.

I can not think of one desirable thing in this universe that would not come with the price of sacrifice of something else.

It's been on my mind a lot lately.

Thoughts?

A Series

Hi, guys!

Let's be real, I don't have a whole lot to update you on.

But I miss blogging.

School started. It is going to be another wild semester! But I love the feeling of challenging myself and stretching and growing. Like when you get sore muscles after a workout, I have a sore intellect. I love my Pathophysiology (really hard), Drugs/Substance Abuse and Addictive Behavior (moderately hard) and Family History Genealogy (fabulously enriching) classes. I also enjoy my Life Span Development class in which the professor gives us candy for answering questions and uses ice cubes as an object lesson on childbirth. I'll get back to you on how I feel about the Sports Nutrition class. (Outlook not so good.)

Living in Provo is not so much living in Provo as it is having a place to sleep when I find myself in Provo at night. Some mornings I wake up and I don't know exactly where I will be sleeping that night. I have a split life.

Temple Sealings: witnessed my first yesterday. I can't get it off my mind. McKenzi was my roommate freshman year, someone who walked into the dorm as a stranger and has since left her handprint on my heart. I was there when John left on his mission, and I am so grateful I got to be there when they were sealed together forever. (Look at Love!)

When I was 7 or 8, my family went to DisneyWorld. On our flight was a girl going on a Make-A-Wish vacation. I was so fascinated that she could have wished for anything she wanted, and so throughout growing up I would think about what I would wish for if I could Make A Wish. (It changes periodically.)

Similarly, I would look at the missionary plaques hanging in the church foyer and I would search my scriptures trying to find what my mission scripture would be, if I were ever a plaque hanging in the foyer. I have found many potentials during my studies, and like my Wish, it changes from time to time. Today I found one that I have never noticed in my scriptures before, and I'm in love with it. So, today, if I were a missionary plaque, my sign would read:


"Behold, O Lord, their souls are precious, and many of them are our brethren; therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren, again unto thee."(Alma 31:35)

Just food for thought on this frosty day.

Tchüss.

Moments of Beauty

• When I get home and walk towards Nathan and he says "Its a kiss." And then I kiss him, and he says "Knew it."
• When I meet up with Bryan for lunch to have peanut butter sandwiches and applesauce like we're five year olds
• When we accidentally run into each other on campus and get so delighted inside because we're at the same school again for the first time since high school
• When my mom sends me worried I love you texts while I'm driving in the awful snow and I know that I am loved
• When my daddy is watching Downton Abbey and can't stop speaking in a British accent

Seriously so blessed. 

These are the moments

It is Friday.
I am blessed.
I'm moving back to Provo.
But still keeping my job in Salt Lake.
Call me Crazy.
He is still away.
This is the longest we've gone without some form of communication in 2 years.
Not my favorite.
I was with dear, dear friends last night at Denny's.
Denny's always (and I seriously mean always) brings out the worst in me. I don't think I've ever behaved normally in one of those restaurants.
Nathan won't sleep unless someone cuddles him to sleep every night.
So after work, I took a shower and then cuddled Nate with my hair wrapped turban style.
The plan was to slip away after he was asleep.
What really happened: he and I stayed together all night. In a twin bed. We didn't really fit. And when I woke up, my mom told me my hair looked like Medusa.
BIG NEWS: Jamba now has a children's menu. With lil mini Jamba's with heat-sensitive color-changing straws. The sign says 8 and under. Yeah, right.

I am happy.

A Season of Gratitude

I was driving home through the falling crystals of snow and suddenly felt a huge wave of gratitude.

Ecclesiastes chapter 3 says this:

 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

2012 was a wonderful season. It was a season of joy after many several seasons of sorrow.

It was the season of EFY. Serving and working with the youth changed my life in a way I never imagined. I will never be the same. I will always be watching myself more closely, thinking "would I want my girls to see me doing that?" and because of this, I am a better person. There are now 40 young women in this world who have a little piece of my heart. I wish them love.

It was the beginning of my season at PCMC. My job on the infant unit dropped into my lap like a gift wrapped opportunity from Heaven. I have learned how to be more compassionate, less judgemental, and more patient with myself. I have met so many people, both coworkers and patients, that have inspired me and made my days brighter. I never knew you could love working so much.

It was the season of living at home again. I moved home in April and have stayed home. It has been such a blessing. I feel like I was given another chance to be little again, to be silly with my sisters, to tease Andrew, to snuggle my Nate, to cuddle with my Mom and ask advice from my Dad. My heart feels sad as this season draws to a close.

It was the season of IMC. I loved my internship. I went in there thinking I could never love these adults as much as I love my babies at Primary, but I was wrong. You love those whom you serve. You love those whom you choose to love. And I love the people at Cardiac Rehab.

It was the season of faith and trusting. (Lets be real, that season will never end for me.) There were many unknowns, and there are still many unknowns. There were disappointments. There were surprises. There was a stolen car, a rejection letter, mistakes at work, and many more. I'm grateful for them all.

My life is so, so beautiful. It overflows with love, opportunity, peace, laughter, learning, growth, and happiness. Here's to the Season of 2013, may it be a time of peace, dancing, laughter, embracing, healing, gathering, and love.