A Dream Deferred

By Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Plans

-Be a mom
-Own a motorcycle
-Donate a kidney
-Ride in a hot air balloon
-go on a humanitarian trip
-learn a different language
-adopt a child
-own a husky
-learn to ski/snowboard
-learn to play the piano
-be there for someone in their most difficult hour
-serve a mission, as a sister or a couple. (or both!)
-own a hammock
-be an EFY counselor
-be a Ma on Trek
-live in a different state (I have never lived outside of Utah. Crazy, I know.)
-direct a dance studio for little girls where the music is clean and the costumes are modest
-work in a flower shop
-be one of the nurses behind the scenes at General Conference
-be financially stable enough to give to anyone who needs it at any time
-learn to love unconditionally
-See New Zealand

Some things I Love

Emilie.
I love Emilie. I love going to the Library and Walmart at 11:00 p.m. and almost buying adult size footie pajamas (PLEASE can we go back and buy some?!). I love how last night I was doing the whole pre-bedtime face washing/teeth brushing routine and she was sitting on her bed watching and all of a sudden she started singing (in the MOST adorable voice) "Giiiiiive meeeee yourrrrr PAAAAAAANTS!!!!" Clearly, she likes my pants. (Who wouldn't, right? They were the black silky Puma sweats I've been wearing since junior year of high school)

The Dentist.
Okay that was a lie, but I love that he made my smile pretty yesterday. Once upon a time in 9th grade, I ran into a glass door just like the crows in those Windex commercials and chipped the bottom half off of my front tooth. I went and had it fixed that day, but it wasn't very well done and it's been slowly chipping off again and it was never quite right and I would always see it in pictures and in the mirror...anyway it's fixed now! So make me laugh because it is a beautiful sight.

Jamba Juice.
This goes without saying. Thank you to Heather and Amanda for providing me with enough Jamba coupons to fill my addiction for the next couple days I mean weeks.

My Mama.
I love how she takes my face in her hands and kisses my cheek when I come or go. I love how she can never send just one text at a time, she always has something else to say and I get 4+ texts for every one text I send her. I love her smile and her advice and the sound of her voice and her perfume and her Mickey Mouse crocks. I love that she always knows what to say and she believes in me when I don't believe in myself.

Faith & Trust.
Something I have been learning very well in my life, but especially in the past months. There is a plan, and all I have to do is try my best to follow it everyday. I am loved and watched over. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. *and to my lovely red haired friend, thank you for being the epitome example of this. Glove you. I've got your back forever, girl.

Pixie Dust.
(Sorry, had to) I believe in miracles.

Love,
Bethany

The Little Things

Running late this morning.

No parking spaces.

Resorted to parking in the Graduate Student lot next to the law school. Set an alarm on my phone to remind me to move it after work/before the police make their ticket-giving rounds

Alarm fail.

Remembered the whole deal during class.

Insert prayer that I might not get a ticket please please please, but if I do help me have a positive attitude and not let it ruin my day.

*5 hours later*

No ticket.

Thank Thee.

Twenty

(Me with my grandpa when I was a young'n)

10x2
12+8
30-10
5x4

20.

When I was five, my daddy was diagnosed with a rare brain disease. (He's fine, FYI. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it, it was *gulp* 15 years ago)

When I was ten, my sweet Abby was born with a heart defect.

Two days before I turned fifteen, Andrew was diagnosed with cancer.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO US THIS YEAR?!

What is going to happen for me this year?

There are 366 days ahead of me (leap year, people). What's coming? Am I going to FINALLY get in to nursing school? Am I going to have to transfer to do it? Am I going to submit my papers and go on a mission? Am I going to get a tapeworm and lose 50 pounds (wow I'd look funny). Am I going to chop all my hair off? Am I going to buy a plane ticket to somewhere? Am I going to *double gulp* GET MARRIED BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT 20 YEAR OLDS DO IN PROVO?!

I don't really remember a lot from being 19. It was a year of being stressed and worrying and trying to have faith and trust and feeling disappointed and upset a lot. Kind of a waste, if you ask me. I don't want to waste being 20.

*kudos to my mom for being cut open 20 years ago so I would be healthy and have a pretty shaped head
*kudos to me for not being a teenager anymore
*kudos to my parents for being married when they were my age (ok, so 20 is the average of their ages when they got married.)
*kudos to Andrew for never once being mean to me in 20 years (unless you count tickling me until I cried)
*Kudos to Chloe, Em, Abby, and Nate for making the past 16 years and 3 months of my life even more magical
*what in the heck does kudos mean??

SOMETHING IS ON FIRE

Woke up this morning, took a shower, proceeded to diffuse my hair in layers.

Thought it was odd that cute roommates Holly, Heather, Mickelle, and Katie were being so quiet, seeing as they were planning to leave for Vegas in an hour.

Kept blow drying my hair in layers. (For the male readers, this is a procedure where I pin up most of the hair, dry the stuff hanging down, pull a little more down, dry that, so on and so forth...)

Hear Mickelle scream "Help!!! Something's on fire!!"

I ignore this and continue to dry my hair, thoughts being: "The other 3 are awake, they can help her, and it's probably not a big deal, probably burning toast or something."

*silence*

"HELP!! SOMETHINGS ON FIRE!!!"

I put the blow dryer down and in no immitation of haste or worry, walk to the kitchen. Much to my surprise, there WAS something on fire.

It was a jar of icing with a bunch of candles sticking out of it. And crepes. And berries, nutella, whipped cream, peanut butter, assorted chocolate chips, sour cream, etc.....

AND if that wasn't sweet and adorable and awesome enough, they bought me a brand new tube of mascara. I would have cried, but that would have ruined the mascara....


Thanks for being so awesome and only getting 2 hours of sleep, guys! Have fun in vegas!

I like birthdays.

Do's and Don'ts

DO buy your groceries from Macey's in Provo. Um, cute boys galore. In blue aprons. They should redesign the Oscar Award statue guy to look like a Provo Macey's employee in a blue apron.

DON'T manipulate. It's mean. And It won't work, I'll react to somebody else besides you so that I still get to react but you don't get to see it. So there.

DO send people flowers. I'm a sucker for flowers...and there is a beautiful arrangement sitting on my desk at work right now that was sent to thank the office for sponsoring a Dillard's event....it includes yellow roses oh my mercy and they SMELL AMAZING. I may or may not have found multiple reasons to stick my face in them today.

DON'T go to Law School and be an arrogant law student. Sure, go to Law School and study hard and work hard and be great. But you're not the only one doing that. You're not the most important. And everyone is busy. So please be nice.

DO use snail mail. There's nothing to describe the thrill of opening the mailbox and seeing a letter with MY NAME ON IT (I got a birthday card from my beautiful little sister today. It lights up when you open it. *tangled noise*)

DON'T assume. You don't know.

DO pray for service opportunities. Because Heavenly Father will send them to you.

DON'T hang a large (or any size for that matter) poster of Justin Bieber on your door. Because I will remove it.

DO clean the bathrooms sometimes. I cleaned the bathrooms yesterday. I felt so domestic.

DON'T forget to be gentle with yourself.

Love,
Bethany

Dear Cute Boys

Dear Cute Boy from the Creamery,

Thanks for helping me yesterday morning when I bought that ginormous sweet roll for a lady in the office's birthday. It was early and I was the only one in the store and you smiled really big and asked how my weekend went. Kudos. I may or may not have gone back to the creamery this morning to buy an apple or some yogurt and maybe spot your cute glasses again. Apparently Tuesday mornings are major stocking day at the Creamery because there were employees everywhere. *sigh* I'll just have to think of a reason to go to the Creamery tomorrow morning as well....

Dear Cute Boy Lost in the Law School,

I will help you find room 224 anyday.

Dear Cute Boy at Help Desk,

You smell good. Keep it up.

Dear Cute Boys everywhere,

Thanks for holding the door for me when you don't know me. Thanks for smiling big and nodding your heads like you do. Thanks for asking questions in class and not being too macho to admit you don't understand. Thanks for leaning over and whispering funny things to me to make class less boring and helping me stay awake. Thanks for leaning over the desk at work and being patient while I figure out the answer to your question and then saying "thank you". Thanks for being talented and sharing your talents like singing/playing musical instruments/wiggling one eyebrow. Thanks for not swearing and having integrity. Thanks for not being dumb like the not cute boys.

Love,
Bethany

Lessons in Dating

Sometimes, we role play.

When trying to impress someone of the opposite gender, it is best to not trip on the way in:



It doesn't really inspire very many amorous feelings with the subject of your affection. But, if you do happen to trip or something equally humiliating, getting up off the floor and laughing at yourself is a huge show of confidence and may be labeled as "sweet" or "cute". (Yes, guys, when you're trying to get a girl, 'cute' is a good thing)

Next. Look for the empty seat option. "Hey, is anyone sitting here?" Quickly followed by "Hi, I'm ______________, what's your name?" *Ring check her/him* This can then be followed by the customary questions: where are you from, what's your major, will you marry me....you get it.



Now, this part is crucial. (And guys, being confident is a HUGE turn on for girls, being creepy is a huge turn off.) If you want her number, ask for it. If you just had a nice conversation, and she doesn't have a ring on her finger, GET HER NUMBER. Most girls will walk away from that experience knowing you wanted it and wondering why you didn't ask for it, and if you DID ask for it, she will inwardly squeal and giggle and try to appear calm and collected until you're out of earshot so she can call her roommates/mom/wedding photographer.



This advice is provided as a public service by Apartment 203. Any reproduction of this information is strictly prohibited.

Blessed

I played in church today and Emilie sang. Miracles do happen, because our pianist cancelled on us last minute and I called approximately 15 people late last night, and all of them said the piece was too hard to learn in one night. We finally were put in contact with the friend of a friend of a friend who is a piano virtuoso and she was so willing to help us out. It turned out so beautiful. I always worry when I play in church, because violins are different than voices and when I play in church I want it to be an expression of my testimony and for it to testify of Christ, and sometimes people don't hear that when I'm not using lyrics.



That's what we did today.

Also, the mountains are so incredibly beautiful. Stunning, breathtaking, awe inspiring. I love them. I love this season. I love my birthday :) I love my whole LIFE! My whole life is great, I can do anything good....

Except I may or may not be very worried about a Stats exam I have this week. Very.

In every other aspect of my life where I have little control and an extreme amount of worry and stress and heartache, I continue to do my best to put my faith and trust in Christ and know that He has a plan and a happy ending and so much mercy and forgiveness for me. I testify of Him.

Happy Sabbath. :)

Yes.

A Day of Firsts

I got my first parking ticket.

I was running late for work so I parked in the Law School parking lot (which, I should be able to park in because I'm an EMPLOYEE, but no, they choose to label me as a student) and I forgot to move it after work. So. My fault.

I RODE ON A MOTORCYCLE.
total bucket list item!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT WAS AMAZING
I hope to own a motorcycle someday.
Please.
Please.
Please.

And that concludes the things I did for the first time today.

And it was a good day. But I bet tomorrow is better. I can just feel it.

Also.
Shout out to
Kaitlyn
Lauren
Danie
Anna
Emilie
Emily
Kenzi
Amanda
Tara
Amanda
Jessica
Maddy
Lexie

I either saw or thought of or texted you today. And you mean a lot to me.

How much is that maniac in the car next to me?

Yesterday, driving home from work/school/life, I was not a happy camper. My lips were falling off my face at the corners. This is commonly known as frowning. Leaning my head on my fist propped up against the driver side window, my eyes felt heavy, my hair was crazy, and I was sitting in Jiffy waiting to turn left at a red light.

And I got an idea.

'Self,' (I said to myself) 'you have no reason not to be absolutely happy right now. Stop it.'
So I put on my biggest, cheesiest, (scariest) grin possible. If I were an emoticon I would have looked like this :D!!!!!!!
And I drove all the way to my apartment like that. Well, I drove like that until I hit the intersection between University Avenue and University Parkway at which point I busted up laughing, all alone in my Jiffy. And I was happy the rest of the day, even doing homework and being home alone and having a long to do list.

We are powerful.
We are in charge of our own attitude.
and I am a nut.

Encouragement and Hope

Professor: "you want to be a nurse, is that correct?"
me: "yes, more than anything."
Professor: "what was your last name again?"
me: "Coleman."
Professor: "Bethany Coleman: my favorite nurse."