The Lion King

Anyone who read my post yesterday knows I was feeling pretty low in pretty much every way.

After I wrote that post, I went to nanny the beautiful baby girl I get to nanny every week. She was feeling a little under the weather, so we cuddled on the couch and flipped through channels. She normally doesn't sit still long enough to read a book, let alone watch a movie, but when I found The Lion King showing on TV she shrieked "KITTY!!!" and I knew I had found a winner.

I think its been ten years since I've sat through The Lion King. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would and she sat still for almost the whole thing. We really enjoyed ourselves.

Then, today was Stake Conference. I was conflicted on if I should go to the Singles Ward where my records are being transferred to, to my high school friend's mission farewell, or to Stake Conference with my family. Because Chloe was asked to speak, I decided to go with my family today.

Its interesting how Heavenly Father makes things work together for our good.

There was a talk given today directed towards the primary children, but it was really given for me. It was about The Lion King. Because I watched it last night, I was even more familiar with the story: Simba is the son of the King, the heir to the kingdom. His mentor, Zazu, is continually trying to teach him about his identity, but he rarely listens. Unfortunately, a terrible tragedy occurs for which Simba feels responsible. He is persuaded to believe that he no longer has a place in the kingdom, and his only option is to give up his birthright. So he runs away, and for a while tries to live a life with no worries, no responsibilities. Yet, he still doesn't feel quite right. In desperation, he calls out, "You said you'd always be there for me!"

This is when wise Rafiki comes and tells Simba "I know your Father, and I will show him to you!" By looking harder at his reflection, Simba sees the truth that Rafiki reveals: "You see, he lives in you." Simba then speaks to his Father, who tells him "Simba, you have forgotten me. You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me."

It was no accident that I happened upon that movie last night, or that Sweet Baby was willing to sit through it with me. It was no accident that I chose to attend this Stake Conference where this talk was given. I needed to be reminded who I am. I needed to remember that I still have a place in this Kingdom, and I'm still an Heir. I am a daughter of God. He is the Father of my Spirit, and if I will look harder at my reflection, I will see that Spiritual DNA shining through.

Perhaps the whole thing may sound silly, but for me it was further evidence that God is aware of me as an individual. This whole thing was orchestrated to remind me that I am His. I have a birthright and He has a plan. And I never need to feel that I am not good enough.

Good Enough

Today, I need to remember that I am good enough.

In high school, I was planning on auditioning for the BYU School of Music and earning a degree in Violin Performance. My parents sacrificed and I was able to take private lessons from one of BYU's music professors, Dr. LeeAnn Morgan. I love her.

Once, we were preparing for a recital. I was being hard on myself, as usual. I finished the piece and put my arms down, my violin hanging from my left hand and the bow from my right. My shoulders slumped and the tip of my bow dragged on the carpet. I glanced up at her and she said:

"It's good enough."

I didn't believe her then, and I have a hard time believing it about myself now. I don't feel good enough for anyone, or for nursing school, or to become any of the things I want so desperately to become.

This is raw, today.

So I will try to remember that the same price that was paid for every person I love and admire was also paid for me. I was good enough to suffer and die for. I'm good enough to save. I truly live such a blessed life, and it is all given to me by a loving Heavenly Father and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Maybe if I listen, I will hear Him whispering "You are good enough."

The Little Things

I have a testimony of Home Teaching.
I just finished being home taught by Josh and Austin, the best home teachers I have ever had. Talk about feeling the Spirit come into the room when someone walks in. Often our home teaching sessions lasted way too long because none of us wanted the feeling to end.

We just had our final meeting before the semester ended. We talked about how to be better. We asked ourselves the question, "What is the difference between us and those called of God to be General Authorities?"

Answer: the little things.

Little things like having the world at our fingertips, literally, in the form of smart phones. We could be emailing, texting, messaging the Gospel's message every minute of every day if we wanted. Instead, many of us waste so much precious time on these devices that have so much potential for good.

Little things like turning off the movie or song that has "just one bad part."

Little things like thinking more positively about ourselves and others, not gossiping, not judging.

Little things like making scripture study time sacred, solid, focused time.

Little things like smiling more.

Little things like changing our attitudes about visiting and home teaching.

Mother Teresa said "We can do no great things, only small things with great love." I believe that. I believe the small things will help us become great.

In other news, I'm about to finish my third year of college, move home for a month, and then take off all summer to be an EFY counselor (alright, alright, alright alright alright HEY!!!). My life is so good and so happy.

Friday, in which I....

...woke up at 4:30 with one of those awful "A Migraine is Coming" auras. My entire left eye had blacked out. I put myself into denial, saying "oh, its just my contact!"

....drove to work at 5:00 a.m., and had a full migraine by the time I got there.

....broke my own code of Ethics and Living and All that is Good by purchasing a diet coke, because the nurses said that would fix my migraine.

....drank the diet coke, and learned to believe them.

....had some of the most adorable patients EVER.

....drove home and decided it was time. I bought an iPhone.

....still can't figure out how to use it.....

.....asked my mom if she had any more diet coke. This was her expression:

"There's always more diet coke." She said

Today's Thoughts

I love myself.
I love today.

I love that I woke up and then just laid there and listened to the rain for a few minutes.

I love my big green eyes and brown cow-licked hair.

I love how sometimes I think I'm funnier than anyone else thinks I am.

I love that I tell my mom everything.

I love that I have a testimony of Jesus Christ.

I love that I am obedient.

I love that I am tall.

I love that I wear high heels anyway.

I love that I sleep curled up in a ball.

I love that I'm drawn to soft things.

I love that I'm a little sister and a big sister.

I love that I don't believe in giving up, giving in, or taking the easy way out.

I love who I am.

Its okay to love yourself.

Come and See

Once in Young Women's or Seminary or sometime in my education, a leader urged us to be able to answer this question if we were ever asked: "What does your Church believe? What do your leaders teach?" At the time, I realized that I couldn't remember anything specific from the most recent General Conference, and I wouldn't be able to give a very current answer if the question was directed at me.

So, here is a small list of what I would say if someone asked me what my Church believes, and what my Church leaders are currently saying:

• Jesus WANTS to forgive us. His forgiveness is limitless. All He requires of us is sincere effort. Link to this talk
• We need to know who we are, but more importantly WHOSE we are. I am a daughter of Almighty God, and I will stand as a witness (that means, I have evidence in my heart) of Him at all times. I will act well my part. Link to this talk
• Our homes and families are literally under attack by the Adversary. We must never feel so comfortable that we let our guard down, and provide openings for evil influences to walk right in. (For me, this means being very careful about the kind of media that is available. No use defying Satan and then opening a window for him when I turn the TV on.) Also, there are few things as powerful as the prayer of a faithful mother. And, the Lord is able to pour pure intelligence into our minds as we earnestly seek it. Link here
• Men have equal but different roles. Men cannot fully exercise the power of the Priesthood without a woman, just as a woman cannot become a mother without a man. Procreative and Priesthood power are shared between man and wife. The Priesthood is to be used to “succor the weak, lift up the hands that hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees” As children of God, we have so much potential, like the tomato plant. Don’t become spiritually undernourished by removing yourself from the living Light and Water of the Savior. They are essential Spiritual nutrients. Link here
• Remember: Little things lead to big things! Satan is no match for the Savior, but he wants to take as many with him as he can. His fate is sure. Devices can be a source of filth and wasted time, but they can be useful. Be wise in how you embrace technology. If you reviewed a verse of scripture as often as you send texts, you would have thousands of scriptures memorized. Focus your life outward in unselfish service to others. His power is a necessary component to establish a home filled with peace. Be a true friend. Welcome others into your home so they can observe how to have a Christ centered home. Recognize the good in others, not their stains. Link here
• Men search for peace in worldly ways: wealth, power, prominence, pleasure, leisure. The Savior is the source and author and Prince of Peace. Humble yourself, pray always, repent of sins, become a true Disciple, these things will bring true peace. Peace is an abiding deep happiness and spiritual contentment. Link
• Regarding chastity: Lucifer has not a body, so he tries to get us to use our bodies the wrong way. He wants us to share in his misery through the improper use of our bodies. The tool he does not have (our bodies) is his target. Guilt is to our spirits what pain is to our body: it is a warning. Result of sincere repentance is peace. Link up
• 1.You don’t have to be perfect to receive help and forgiveness. The perfect place to begin seeking light is right where you are. It doesn’t matter how disqualified you think you are. The hope of His light will come the moment you begin t seek it.  2. Turn your heart toward the Lord, lift up your soul in Prayer, acknowledge your shortcomings, pour out your Gratitude, plead with Him. 3.Walk in the Light. He knows you will make mistakes, and stumble, perhaps many times. He does not wish to break your spirit. He desires you to rise up. This is why His Son was sent to illuminate the way. The gospel teaches us how to know, do and be. Seek to increase your love for God. As you draw near to God, He will draw near to you. Darkness will NOT gain victory over the light of Christ. Walk towards the hope of God’s light. Link
• "No force in the entire world can stop the work of God.”  Link
• There is no reason in this age with the fullness of the Gospel to sail in uncharted seas. We must be obedient. Answers come as we are obedient to the commandments of God. We learn obedience throughout our lives. Obedience is better than sacrifice. God requires the willing and obedient heart. Refuse to deviate from what is right.  Link here
• Hold fast to what you already know, and stand strong until additional knowledge comes. If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed…nothing shall be impossible unto you. The size of your faith is not the issue, it is your integrity you demonstrate towards the faith you do have. What we know will always trump what we do not know. Everyone is to walk by faith. So be kind regarding human frailty, your own and those who serve with you. This church is lead by volunteers. Except for Christ, God has only had imperfect people to work with. Never apologize for “only believing” Be not afraid, only believe. The articles of faith all start with “We Believe."Link

And there is so, so much more. I know that these things come straight from God for our growth and benefit. He would never tell us or ask us to do anything that would not be for our divine Becoming. I invite you to Come and See everything that He has in store of each of us.

This week

This week, we decided not to date each other anymore.
For no other reason besides the fact that we felt it was the right choice.

It hurts abominably.

The day after we made that choice, I ate half a bag of chocolate chips, deleted my Facebook account, listened to sad songs, and felt slightly like I was missing one of my limbs.

The second day after we made that choice, I woke up, reactivated my Facebook account, went to the Temple, then to the grocery store. I studied some, observed some adorable preschoolers for a project, and made a delicious salad for dinner.

Today, I went to classes and then came home.

I am so grateful this weekend is General Conference.

Changes and Choices

Sometimes life changes, and you don't get a choice.
Sometimes, you get to choose to change your life.

In this Gospel, we spend a lot of time teaching and learning about Agency. Agency is the plan we all chose, that's why we're here. We chose to be able to choose. I've learned lately that even though I chose to choose, I've spent an awful lot of time trying to give up my right to choose.

"I'll do whatever I'm told, just tell me what to do."

And God, in His perfect wisdom, and His purpose to help me become like Him, stays quietly nearby, encouraging me to use that Agency that I fought for.

Choosing takes courage, and change is uncomfortable. But not impossible.

For Good

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you
I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you...
Because I knew you...

Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.