Why I'm Happy

2 Nephi 2: 25 

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy."

Over the last month, I noticed that whenever someone asked "How are you? How are you doing? How is your life? How is nursing school?" I answered like this:

"I am so tired."

Two weeks ago, I realized something else. I'm in college. I'm in nursing school. I work three night shifts a week. Sometimes I get home from work at 3 a.m. and have class at 9. I nanny on the weekends. I spend all my spare time with the most wonderful man ever. Likely, until I graduate in 2016, (and probably for the rest of my life because someday I will be a mommy and a nurse) I will be tired. I will never stop being tired. Thats what happens when you are working and in school and you snatch sleep in 4 and 5 hour increments. 

I decided that I don't want to answer with those words anymore. I'm tired. There, I said it. That is how I am going to feel for a while. But I'm done saying it. I'm done leading with that phrase. 

Because besides tired, I am also

rocking my nursing classes

learning to like my job (still miss you, Infant Unit)

taking a cycling class and enjoying myself

spending time with my scriptures

and mostly, I am just deliriously happy all the time.

Yesterday during Sacrament Meeting I was thinking about the Atonement. And how the Atonement can help me choose happy even when I feel so tired. I realized that Jesus Christ already felt the tired. He already did it. Someone has already felt all of Bethany's weariness, so I don't need to linger on it. He did. So I can move on and just be happy. 

Another scripture (because I love those guys): Doctrine and Covenants 64:33 "wherefore, be not weary in well doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." 

Its not like I'm "spending my strength for naught" (reference). I am busy with much well doing. I am laying foundations of excellent nursing practice, a strong body, bright testimony, and happy relationships. And I believe that a small thing like changing my response when someone asks "how are you?" will bring about great results. Possibly even more energy. But I am choosing happy, because I don't have enough time to be anything else. 

Some Things About Myself

1. My car has a broken radio. Sometimes it plays just fine, and sometimes it randomly shuts off or on at will. Sometimes I sing hymns and Primary songs to myself while I'm driving to combat the silence. Its amazing how wonderful I feel when that happens.

2. I love to read. But I struggle to read textbooks. Even textbooks about nursing topics.

3. Benji pulls me out of my comfort zone all the time, and it is one of my favorite things about him. Roller coasters, skiing, speaking my mind to people who intimidate me, all have been done with his influence.

4. I really like texting.

5. I'm very sensitive to smells.

6. I have an obsession with blue jolly ranchers.

7. I recently discovered Pralines 'n Cream. Where have I been my whole life?

8. I commute back and forth from Sandy to Provo an average of twice a week, sometimes more. I just really love to be home.

9. I am currently writing this blog post because there is a textbook open in front of me, and I am struggling to read it.

You Know You're in Love When....

You know you're in love when you try to buy a sandwich from the vending machine, and it gets caught by a millimeter of wrapper, and doesn't fall to the bottom. So you throw your entire body against the side of the machine to make it fall. So it falls, but by then the trap door has locked so people can't reach up in there, so your sandwich is still trapped. So you buy another vending product to help open the door, but then the sandwich and the string cheese get smashed between the trap door and the side of the machine and you can't reach them. So then you sit down and transfer funds from your bank account to your student account so that you can purchase another vending product, thus releasing the growing dinner inside the vending machine. And the whole time this is happening, you keep taking pictures so that you can describe the entire scenario in detail to Benji, because you know he will think its funny.

You know you're in love when you go grocery shopping and buy food that the other person likes.

You know you're in love when you feel the need to use FaceTime if you're both driving separate cars.

You know you're in love when you contemplate waking up thirty minutes earlier so that you can scrape the ice off the other person's car.

You know you're in love when you don't even bother to change out of your sweaty exercise clothes because you'd rather get up the stairs to be waiting outside Benji's classroom when the bell rings.

You know you're in love when you read something awesome in the Book of Mormon and you just have to tell him about it.

You know you're in love when you pray and your prayers are less about you and more about the other person's success and happiness.

You know you're in love when your heart is so happy you have to let it spill out on a sappy blog post.

The 13 Best Things of 2013

1. Receiving my endowment in the Draper Utah Temple on January 2, 2013

2. Getting an iPhone, joining the world of Instagram, and having a GPS for when I get lost

3. My first week of EFY in June where I met Benjamin Pace Lambson

4. EFY in general!

5. Finding out I was accepted to UVU's Nursing school!!

6. The three weeks of EFY in Tacoma where I fell in love with the PNW and met some incredible youth 

7. Coming home and finding out they had a spot for me in BYU's Nursing School

8. The end of EFY counselor trip to Disneyland! Conquering my lifelong fear of roller coasters, and making friends with these hooligans:

9. The two temple trips on the way home from Disneyland

Newport Beach

San Diego

10. Taking a 4 hour trip down to Mexico before driving back to Utah

11. Coming home and deciding that a five day trip to Disneyland was not enough time with this guy

So we started dating

12. Making the heart wrenching decision to leave Primary Children's and IMSU and switch to working on the Cardiac Progressive Care Unit at Utah Valley Med Center.

13. Starting Nursing School at BYU

I'm grateful for 2013. It was a year of refinement. I learned better how to study my scriptures through teaching 200+ youth how to study their scriptures. I learned to be more flexible and go with the flow. I have been refined through loving someone who is so talented at all the things I struggle with, and who inspires me to try harder, to be humbler, and to move forward in my Becoming process. So many of my fondest dreams came true this year and I am so grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who gave them to me according to His timing. 

     2014, it only gets better from here. 

Equality

This link has been circulating around Facebook the last few days, and I finally looked through it.
My thoughts while reading and viewing:

"This is disgusting. This is not fair. This is hopeless."

I don't know why some people are born into such privilege, where they have the luxury of being perfectionists, or professionals, or even angry. Looking at these pictures, I realized that anger is a luxury. I don't understand all the reasons why.

But these things I know: there is a God. He created us all. We are His children, and He loves us all equally, even if our circumstances and privileges cause us to ask why and how. I know that I cannot comprehend all the things that God comprehends.

I know that Jesus Christ lives. He felt the pain of all of us, He knows the pain of hunger, cold, loneliness, confusion, unfairness, perfectionism, anger. He knows us all. Somehow, through His grace, we will all live in perfect equality someday. The pain will be compensated for. There will be no sorrow, only hope and joy.

For now, all I can do is offer all the love in my heart to everyone. To try and be more patient, more understanding, more giving. To express gratitude for all the privilege and luxury that I enjoy. To complain less. To share His light. To be humbler, softer, gentler. To trust in God and look forward with hope for the day when children no longer live in poverty.

I hope that I wear out my life and my hands and my heart in lifting up the hands that hang down and strengthening the feeble knees.

Let's Talk About...

....Benjamin.

Because my heart feels all swollen with gratitude towards that guy right now.

I found this in my pantry this morning:

Because we went grocery shopping last night. And he KNOWS I would never buy them for myself. So he bought them. And then left them in my pantry. Ah. 

And THEN. Once upon a time two days ago in the Wilkinson Student Center, we each spun the wheel for some awareness something and I won a full size candy bar and he won a fun size candy bar. What did I do? Gobble my whole thing up so fast, and he took one bite of his little fun size and then offered me the rest. Because he is selfless and giving like that. 

I could go on. But I won't, because likely he will be embarrassed with the attention and because I don't think Blogspot has that much space. 

But I am happy. And blessed. And so grateful that I did this on that one day, and now I get to spend everyday learning how to be more positive and more selfless from Benji. 

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