For example: young man sitting by me in class with a nervous twitch that makes you raise your hand a lot and saliva glands that projectile gleek onto my arm, you might possibly have Awkwarditis. Inflammation of the Awkward. (It's very common my dear, don't worry, and sometimes curable.)
Another: Oh darling, I'm so sorry you're hunched over and your feet are deformed and you lose your balance a lot. You suffer from Lack of Logic disorder, sometimes referred to as "LOL". This is a big campus. That is a heavy backpack. For goodness sake, leave the six inch heels at home.
And to the professor afflicted with Justin Bieber's Disease, I'm sorry everyone hates you. Stop requiring ridiculous amounts of course work and making us buy $486,987,301.95 textbooks THAT WE NEVER USE. (Yup. I said Never. Deal with it.)
Well. I have a self diagnosed disease, and I didn't even have to use Web.MD to get there.
Dating Anxiety. DA, for short. (Not to be confused with Dumbledore's Army, which would in fact be awesome.)
What causes this, you may ask? Perhaps it was my obscene prom experience, outlined here. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that everything I knew about male and female interaction came from Jane Austen novels, where they don't actually date. They pursued with lovely, eloquent letters, passion filled waltzes, cobblestone carriage rides, and delicately lowered eyelashes. None of this disjointed modern business of guessing and manipulating, and in my case, panicking.
I wish it were different. I wish I could be like my sister, who seems to thrive on going on dates with any nice fellow who asks her, unlike myself who shrivels up like a raisin in the sun (a wonderful play, bytheway).
It's not even that I don't like dating, because I do. I like going on dates. I like gentlemen. I like bowling, and ice cream, and playing hide and seek in the HFAC, and all the other Provo-ish dating things that get recycled every weekend. Its the physical act of going on the date that makes me feel squeamish. 99% of the time I'm fine once I'm gone.
So, I suppose I'm seeking fellow dater's advice. Am I the only one who suffers from DA? How have you overcome it? And don't give me the answer I got from a co-worker: "Take a Xanax and get free dinner!"
(See this?? This is how it should still be done. And all marriage proposals should include "Marry me, my wonderful, darling friend.")
You are so ridiculously awesome. I'm serious. The beginning of this post is out of this world geniusly creative writing and i'm super jealous. Just thought i'd let you know.
ReplyDeleteLove this post :) And you are not the only one out there who gets terribly nervous about dates. I hate the anticipation. Walking to open the door is the worst. Sometimes I avoid dates just because I usually get nervous for nothing! Lets face it, most dates are a dud. Some dates are terribly scary, and for the most part I would rather just be friends first. I love your idea of a marriage proposal :) I'll tell your future husband if you'll tell mine?
ReplyDeleteJust think, someday we will be able to say that we are DA survivors. :)
You have an extremely intelligent co-worker. That is some good advice!
ReplyDelete